let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
