And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
