I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
