i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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