I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
