can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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