I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
