elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
