yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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