I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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