so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
