1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
