Soap is not a condiment
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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