Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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