The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
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I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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