My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
