Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
