ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
