well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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