and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
