just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
