nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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