after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
