The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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