I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize