i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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