found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
