Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
