one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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