I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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