I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
