They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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