My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
