I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
