No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
