An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
