Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
