Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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