If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
