does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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