like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
