So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
