Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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