my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize