alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
