I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
