Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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