just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
accomplished twins. life is a go
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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