You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
