does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
