i just wanna soil my oats bro
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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