maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
