I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
only you would photoshop your dick
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
