btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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