why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
