she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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