my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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