I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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