i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
