I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
