bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
