its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
