I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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