she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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