haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
