just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
