I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
