The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
