dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
