Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
