I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I understand Curling. That high.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
