Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
