If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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