Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
