the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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