My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
