dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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