i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
