yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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