I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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