When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
