Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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