The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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