One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize