his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
