i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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