You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
