Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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