So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
