I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
